Delmar - Medford
The Providence of God
It’s a rainy fall day in 2016. My wife who’s suffering from primary progressive aphasia, which had made her mute, is also being taken down by dementia. She started to wander off when I was not paying attention and twice neighbors have brought her home and I didn’t even realize she was gone. But this Sunday I was watching football, and it was raining outside, and I drifted off into sleep. I don’t know how long she was gone but when I woke up, I looked around and couldn’t find her in the house so I got in the car and started a drive around the neighborhood where we would normally walk to see if she’d just went out for a walk. I didn’t find her, so I decided to widen my search and went a couple blocks further and as I was driving, I passed a police car that was parked along the sidewalk. Not thinking anything of it I just kept driving. I got about two blocks away and something said “you need to go back” to where that police car is. So, I turned around and went back. As I approached the police car a policeman and two ladies came out of the house with my wife. As they were taking her to the police car I stopped and got out and the policeman asked me if this was my wife. I said yes. I don’t know how she did it but somehow, she walked several blocks and ended up in a backyard of a person’s house, someone we did not know, and they did not know her. So, I got her home and got her in some dry clothes and watched her during the rest of the day. The next day I began childproofing the house, setting all the doors that led to the outside with locks that she couldn’t undo and putting up anything that would be harmful to her just like you would for a young child.
This is just one of many events that happened over the next three years. Each time God was faithful, and prayers were answered by the still small voice speaking to me or by physical miracles that were performed. God is faithful and ever present, and I was blessed.
Your Can Care For Her
This was not the first time the Holy Spirit had spoken to me, but it was one time I will never forget.
At age 67 my wife was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Aphasia, a brain disease that destroys the ability to communicate. The disease progressed until 2015 at the age of 72 she was virtually mute, unable to speak, read, write, or understand what was spoken to her. If that was not enough dementia set in and took away her ability to care for herself. In 2016 several times health care professionals told me that it was not possible for me to keep her at home and care for her by myself. So, several times I looked into putting her in a home. But in every case the still small voice within me said “You can care for her, and I will help”. And so, as He promised the help began. I was changed overnight**, and I was given the ability to do something I never imagined, taking care of my beautiful wife as she became like a small child. Having to be fed, bathed, dressed as well as the other things associated with a 2 – 3-year-old. Like changing depends, child proofing the house and yard, watching her always and helping when she fell. The most difficult was when she would cry, and because she could not talk what was I to do. All I could do was rely on the Lord to give me insight and help and He did. So, the days went by, some difficult and some not so much. Her sister would come sit with her for a couple of hours a week. But every morning when she would awake, I would give her a kiss and tell her I loved her, and she would look at me and smile and I knew all was well and caring for her was a blessing and not a hardship. Before she became bedridden, she spent much of her time walking around the back yard and in the house carrying her favorite teddy bear. She also enjoyed daily rides in the car especially if I went on a road that went by horses.
In 2018 I was diagnosed with Parkinsons disease. At first it was somewhat terrifying, but once again God was faithful and calmed my fears. With the medicine I was able to continue her care giving.
For her last 4 months she became bedridden and Hospice help became necessary. Immediately the fight against bed sores began, requiring turning her every 3 to 4 hours. In the first week in February 2019 the Hospice nurse upon leaving told me that she would not make it thru the weekend. I went to her bedside where she was awake and looking up at the ceiling. Keeping in mind that she had not responded to any spoken words for quite some time, I leaned over and kissed her and said, “Jesus is coming soon to take you home”. As I stood there, she turned her head towards me and her face began to glow, the sparkle was back in her eyes, and she had this wonderful expression of childlike excitement and happiness of hearing good news. Within 3 days she was gone.
As you would expect grief came rushing in and I felt the powers of darkness attacking me. I had been through the death of my parents, brother, and sister, but I was not prepared for the grief that comes when my wife was called home. As someone told me, with great love comes great grief. Thank you for being there dear God.
** Changed. I had fallen away from my walk with God, and I was addicted to alcohol for over 25 years and tried hundreds of times to quit. Alcohol had turned me into self-centered ugly old man. As one might expect caregiving and alcohol do not mix. So, I prayed to God to free me from alcoholism and to teach me how to care for my wife. A miracle was performed and within a couple of days I was alcohol free. Many other prayers were answered during that time. Like the gift of patience and understanding. Like showing me what to do when she was choking. Like reminding me every 3-4 hours to turn her to keep her from having bed sores, even in the middle of the night. Like me coming down with the flu while she was bedridden and her not catching it and making sure I was always near her at just the right moment.
Ask For a Rainbow
Looking back over the past few years, I felt I should write some of the miracles that happened by the hand of God.
My wife’s memorial was set for a Saturday in September at the beach house. On Friday I was driving over to the beach and thinking about how much I miss her. It was dark and rainy, and the forecast was for more of the same. So much for an outside memorial service.
Being human we always want answers and being human I allowed doubt to creep in wondering if she was in heaven and if she was OK, even though I knew she was, and I asked for forgiveness for doubting. Then as plain as someone sitting next to me the still small voice said, “Ask for a rainbow”. Wow! I was not expecting that, and again the voice said, “You want affirmation ask God for a rainbow”. So, I did.
Friday remained dark and rainy, and the forecast was for the same on Saturday. I got up early Saturday morning and the sun was shining, and the sky was blue, not good conditions to see a rainbow, but great for an outside memorial service.
I got dressed and went for a walk on the beach. As I was walking along, I stopped to talk to a young family and doing so my back was to the ocean. All of a sudden, the mom pointed to the ocean and said look, a rainbow! I turned around and there it was! The entire sky was blue except for a few dark clouds off to the northwest, that had not been there when I started walking, and within those clouds there was a rainbow. I was overwhelmed by the great love of God. To think that God loves me that much is beyond my comprehension, but I believe and am blessed.
Unanswered Prayer
As I looked back over the years of her decline, I kept asking why the long suffering and most of all why the unanswered prayer. It wasn’t until the Holy Spirit led me to Luke 22:42 that it became clear. God has a plan for everyone and everything in that plan is for a reason. I was reminded that it was because of His Son’s unanswered prayer that my wife was able to claim her victory over death and to live on in the heavenly realm free from all suffering and pain.
Is it possible to even imagine what life would be like if God had answered His Son’s prayer and there was no death and no resurrection? So, when people tell you that your unanswered prayed is because your belief is not big enough or because your faith is too small, remind them that it was because of unanswered prayer that we have the most precious gift of all, salvation, and forgiveness of sin in the greatest name of all, Jesus.
Luke 22:42 Jesus saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless, not my will but thine be done.
A Warning
I am writing this as a testimony of what God has done for me. He gave me the gift of help and empowered me to do things I would have never attempted without His help.
I am not writing this to encourage anyone to attempt to become a full-time care giver for a spouse, it is way more difficult than my words can express. Without the ever-present help of God all mighty, it will become a real nightmare.
Comments
Post a comment.
No comments available